Pain and Personality Types in the BDSM Lifestyle – Pt 3 of 3

Pain and Pleasure

Pt 1 of 3          Pt 2 of 3

This is the last installment of this mini-series, so I’ll jump right in again as I did for Pt 2.

Some people are adrenaline junkies and simply try new things and sometimes realize they like receiving pain. They not only want to catch a high, they want the other person to enjoy themselves as well. I enjoy helping others discover new things about themselves. I like witnessing someone having their limits pushed, if that’s something they want to do.

This person usually cares about the player and wants them to enjoy their time together. Although, there are some who are completely self-serving; a person who seeks to take advantage of the player and maybe have an entitled attitude. Their purpose may be to exploit the player versus creating a pleasant shared experience.

I find the third person, the one caring about my experience as well, the most enjoyable to play with. They’re usually trying something new, which gives me the opportunity to polish up a previous skill set. I’m open to explore something I haven’t done before, or to use a new piece of equipment and fine tune how to best use it. It ends up being a learning experience for both of us and when it’s pleasurable, it’s a win-win situation. I talk periodically during scenes and sessions with this person to help us figure out new territory. It feels like a partnership. It feels good knowing they actually care if I’m having a good time. I, sometimes, feel it’s ironic when it’s a client paying me for a session and they’re concerned if I’m enjoying myself. 

A challenge with a client such as this is since it does feel like a partnership during the scene, some seem to forget it’s a working relationship. Though we’re friendly, some attempt to cross the line from professional into casual. They may ask me out for meals or to a show. They may ask to come over and play board games. They may send me personal messages throughout the week letting me know how their day is going or asking about my day. I casually remind them ours is a business relationship and there’s a fee for my time.

How do I weed out what type of client a person may be? I meet each potential client in public for a meeting, usually somewhere casual for a light lunch. I ask a lot of questions. I listen. I watch their body language for cues to their authenticity, transparency, and contentment. If the person is already in the BDSM community and sought me out for a scene during a play party I’m already planning to attend, we begin written negotiations. I ask even more questions from this person since we’re not face-to-face for me to gauge their body language. A well-grounded person who likes to receive pain or is wanting to explore it, is usually the type of person mentioned in this article. They’re seeking to share an experience with a person they feel comfortable with. 

As always, play safe. Be smart. Seek therapeutic help when needed. Build a strong support system outside of the BDSM community.

I’d love to read your experiences with pain, whether on the giving or receiving end and why.

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