Pain and Personality Types in the BDSM Lifestyle – Pt 2 of 3

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Pt 1 of 3

I’ll jump right into the second type of person who likes receiving pain since this is part 2 of this mini-series.

Some people simply endure pain as a desire for acceptance. They want to please a certain person so desperately that they’ll willingly suffer simply to hear how good they’re doing, how well they’re enduring whatever is being done to them. 

This person may fall victim to an emotionally sadistic person. A player who will steadily increase the physical pain in an attempt to break the person’s will. It’s a dangerous situation to be in because the people-pleaser will continue suffering, sometimes to the point of unconsciousness or to the detriment of their emotional well-being. They want to please so badly they ignore their own needs.

I make sure to have a good sense of who they are as a person before our scene or session. I tend to talk more during play, asking how they feel, ask what they’re thinking. My verbal check-ins seem to help them focus not solely on pleasing me but to remain aware of what they’re also seeking.

Another type of person I’ll discuss is one who feels they deserve to be punished. I had a client who explained he felt guilty for the wrongdoings of his race. He was Caucasian. He specifically sought me out because I was a Person-of-Color. The clinician in me was intrigued by his mindset. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He wasn’t a part of the slave-trade. Yet, he knew his forefathers were and he wanted to feel what those enslaved possibly felt.

Him and I spoke at length prior to me accepting him as a client. Prior to, and after, each session we’d discuss his feelings during what I termed “free talk.” He was open to share whatever was on his mind and to also ask me questions to help him understand himself better. Yes, I did mix BDSM play with therapy. He learned that he wasn’t to blame for the nation’s history, though he still wanted to feel the pain of others. He actually made a terrific client because he was self-aware and communicative.  

Play safe. Be smart. Seek therapeutic help when needed. Build a strong support system outside of the BDSM community.

I’d love to read your experiences with pain, whether on the giving or receiving end and why.

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