I was previously and sporadically on dating sites. It’s my opinion that the same types of people are on dating sites, regardless of the sites.
Yes, I know that includes me to LOL.
To keep it as short as possible, I’ll bullet the flags versus writing them out in paragraph form.
- Minimal information on profile page. (A few lines providing a glimpse into your personality is simple to do, let people know a bit about who you are as a person.)
- No pictures of yourself on your page, not even fully clothed with face cropped out or painted over. (If you’re that paranoid of being outed or this suspicious, why be on the site?)
- Stating you need to be “discreet.” (What are we children that tells everyone our business? I imagine this person is married and attempting to cheat on their significant other.)
- Sending me what seems to be a stock message that could have been sent to anyone. (Send a message that’s specific to the person you’re writing to; people aren’t fish in a barrel.)
- Obvious you haven’t read my information. (Believe me, I can tell when you have or haven’t.)
- Wanting to bypass my screening process or asking/demanding I change the way I do things for you. (It doesn’t work that way. Has that ever worked for anyone?)
- Being local and declining to meet me at a local public place. (How do you expect to meet me, if you won’t come out and meet me?)
Although the above items are relevant to me on all platforms, the following are specific to the types of messages I’ve received on Fetlife.com:
- Begging to serve me and asking immediately if you can be my sub/slave. )This behavior smells of desperation and isn’t attractive or realistic to me.)
- Messaging a list of things you want me to do to you or telling me how you want to serve me. (I consider this person to be more of a bottom. If play is all you want, negotiations may be possible and yes, there’s a screening process for this as well.)
- Asking to play before we’ve met to talk in-person and negotiate. (No, just no.)
- Asking when we initially meet if that means you’re owned by me. (There’s a process to getting to know someone. Slow down.)
- Anywhere during the screening process you agree to do something and not follow through on your word; not holding yourself accountable to or responsible for your word; making excuses. (I like to know I can depend on you to do what you say you will. I’m not a micromanager. If you can’t or won’t follow simple instructions, I highly doubt you can or will follow more detailed instructions such as comprise the structure and protocol of a M/s dynamic/relationship.)
- All communication initiated by you is kink/fetish-oriented. (I’m not a kink/fetish dispenser.)
- Unrealistic expectations. (Claiming to want to “date” me, while not having time to make me a priority in your life.)
What do you consider to be dating site profile red flags? I look forward to reading your thoughts.
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