Relationship Series: Red Flags – Part 8 (Not Getting Along with Others & Others Disliking Them)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

This article will discuss not getting along with others and others disliking them as relationship red flags. The accompanying video can be found here.

1. You’ve allowed a new person in your life and you find out they don’t get along with many other people, they treat their family poorly, and they’re rude and inconsiderate to service workers. Their behavior and attitude are likely the primary reason they don’t get along with others. How people treat strangers is usually an indicator of how they treat people in their circle.

Being inconsiderate and rude is a red flag because it reveals a person’s entitled attitude. If they’re mean to someone who’s being paid to enhance their enjoyment during an activity, it’s uncalled for to treat them in a disrespectful manner. It’d be acceptable to share with the worker why something wasn’t done to a particular standard, however, being mean is immature and shows an inability to have a rational discussion.

Another perspective is this: if this new person in your life is rude toward someone paid to help them, think about how long it’ll be before your new friend is mean toward you when they think or feel you’re not being helpful to them.

Consider asking them why they don’t get along with their family members or why they don’t have many friends. Pay attention to their reasoning. Are they rational? Are the situations they share with you told as if they’re the victim? Could the situation have ended a different way? Does this new person take any responsibility for the way things turned out?

Think of the situations from this new person’s perspective. Then think of how you may have felt if you were the other person involved. Would you feel the same way? Would you feel this new person’s attitude was justified? Were they being unreasonable? Remember there’s more than one side to a story and if most of the family members feel the same way about this new person, it’s logical to think this person’s thought process is the problem not the other people.

2. You bring this new person around your close circle of friends and family members and most of them don’t like him or her. If one person tells you something negative about your new friend, that’s just one perspective and not much to be concerned about. Sometimes people just don’t get along. It’d be interesting, enough to raise an eyebrow at, if two people told you the same or similar thing about why they dislike someone.

The red flag is when three or more people individually tell you similar things and provide concrete examples of why they dislike someone. A group of friends together talking may seem to gang up on speaking negative about someone else or to extend each other’s views. However, if their perspectives are independent of others that’s when you should sit back and consider what’s being shared with you. Ask for examples versus accepting “I just don’t like him (or her).”

Think critically about what you’re told. If you were involved in the situation you may have dismissed what your new friend said or did, or you may have a different viewpoint than the one given to you. Whichever is the case, this is the time to reevaluate the new person’s behavior and attitude patterns because it’s apparent that your friends and family are seeing and sensing something wrong with this person that you’re overlooking.

Pay more attention to the expressed problem areas and determine if your circle is correct; this is the time to remove your rose-colored glasses. Is the person on their best behavior to keep you in their life? Are they being honest with who they’re presenting themselves to be?

It’s okay to share your concerns with your new friend. Remember, healthy friendships and relationships take work. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings about something they did or said. A sign of emotional maturity and emotional intelligence is being able to have calm rational conversations about tough topics and agree to disagree, if necessary. The new person may not be aware of how others perceive them to be. Or, they may not care. They’re response to you will help you decide how you proceed with them.

I’d love to hear if you’ve experienced the abovementioned red flags in a potential friendship or relationship and how you dealt with it. If you recognized yourself in the article, what have you learned or how did you overcome those challenges?

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Thank you.

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I journeyed from GED to a PhD in Psychology. I decided to focus on my writing once I retired from the clinical field. I write in various genres and have several WIPs for publication once edited. I post articles on this website for intellectual and entertainment purposes.

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