I’ve learned an additional term in the polyamory community from a Polyamory Group I’m in on Facebook. Someone talked about the difference between bisexual versus biromantic. The accompanying video can be found here.
It piqued my interest because a friend of mine told me he finally accepted he was bisexual. It confused me when he said he wasn’t sexually attracted to men. I didn’t question him because I knew he was still discovering things about himself and so I filed the question in my mind.
I read a comment in one of the Groups that bisexual is being attracted to your sex and the opposite sex versus biromantic is having romantic feelings toward your sex and the opposite sex. For example: As a heterosexual woman if I say I’m bisexual, I’m saying I have a sexual attraction to both men and women. If I say, I’m biromantic, I’m saying I have romantic feelings for both men and women even though I’m not necessarily sexually attracted to women.
What my friend told me now made sense to me, even though what he said was the opposite of what the FB poster wrote. It was interesting to me to learn that a person may be romantically attracted to someone and not sexually attracted to that same person, or that same gender. As I’m typing this a memory sparked of a few women I know who both said they were lesbians but loved having sex with men. Now, I’m realizing they were both sexually and romantically attracted to women, and also sexually attracted to men.
While I’m here I want to backtrack on a previous article and video where I described what polyamory meant, to me, because there’s another term I keep hearing and reading which is “polysexual.” Polyamory is when you love multiple people. The focus is on building and maintaining loving relationships. It’s not just about sex and sometimes isn’t about sex at all.
Polysexual is when you just want to be sexual with multiple people without building and maintain loving relationships with them. This person may be more into casual sex or having hookups.
The intention is different and shouldn’t be confused. However, keep in mind most people don’t fit neatly into any one box. Sometimes casual sex partners develop romantic feelings for each other and decide to have a relationship built on more than just hooking up. On the flip side, people in a romantic relationship may realize they’re more compatible as sexual partners, for various reasons.
When someone says they’re polyamorous, bisexual, or biromantic, or a host of other terms don’t make assumptions on what it means to them. Ask them. Don’t put them in a box you’ve formulated in your mind. Listen to what they say and take it as their truth.
What are your thoughts on the above terms? Are you familiar with them? Have you learned something new? I look forward to reading your thoughts.
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