Relationship Series: Red Flags – Part 6

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

This article will discuss someone becoming angry, or defensive, when you bring up something that bothered you and they have a negative mindset and enjoy drama. The accompanying video can be found here.

1. They become angry, or defensive, when you bring up something that bothered you and they’re blind to their wrongdoing.

They become defensive when you bring up something that bothered you. They may be blind, or willfully ignorant, to how they’re perceived by others. They’re not actively listening to you when you’re being respectful and tactful in how you express your feelings. They become aggressive toward you because they feel you’re attacking their character.

It’s challenging to communicate with this type of person because, as time goes on you, you’ll likely begin to avoid certain topics or sharing your feelings because you don’t want to start an argument. If you become tired of saying the same things in various ways wanting them to hear and understand what you’re saying, and they’re becoming angry and defensive, it may be time to consider if that person is worth continued conversation or if it’s time to end the friendship.

Another issue when they become defensive is that they may try to flip the conversation on to something you did that they didn’t like. They’re still not hearing what you’re saying. Instead of listening to you, they attack your character to shift the light from them onto you and your actions.

2. They have a negative mindset/they enjoy drama whether creating it or discussing it about someone else.

There are some people who have negative mindsets and rarely find positivity in any situation. Even if you say it’s a good thing it rained because it’s been so dry lately, they’ll complain about how cloudy it is outside.

Another example I mention in the video is while out on errands you mention stopping to get gas. The person complains you want to make an extra stop. The complaint about stopping to get gas is irrational because a vehicle needs gas to run.

This person is being short-sighted and not thinking about long-term consequences to their inactivity. Some things aren’t worth arguing over, some things aren’t that serious to even complain about, especially when it’s something that necessary for life or maintaining property.

A real-life example from years ago:

I walk the park, sometimes, for exercise. I alternate between power walking and regular walking depending on my joint pain. When my pain flares, I slow down. When the pain eases up, I power walk. My intention, when I go walk the park, is always for it to be exercise.

I asked someone to walk with me. I told him the distance and how long it takes me to get around the park so he’d have an idea of my pace. He repeatedly complained throughout the walk I was walking too fast. I reminded him that I told him I walk the park for exercise and not a leisurely stroll.

After the walk was over, he asked if I wanted to go to the Farmer’s Market. I answered, “No, because I’m tired.” He then complained, “You just want to sit around all day and do nothing.” I told him, “I just walked almost three miles and I’m not even home yet to lay down.” His complaints weren’t rational. First, I was walking too fast. Then, I wanted to sit around all day.

This type of person not only complains about what you may or may not do, they also lack consideration for your feelings whether emotional or physical. He was aware my disability is chronic joint pain/fibromyalgia, which didn’t matter because I was refusing to do something he wanted to do on his terms and in his timeframe. The bottom line is – he felt entitled to his request.

The thought process becomes the same: is this person worth keeping around when they constantly disrupt the peace you work to maintain in your life? Do you want to maintain a friendship with someone who’s irrational, illogical, inconsiderate, and entitled? Do you want that negativity in your life?

There’re also some people who thrive on drama and seek opportunities to gossip. They may even ask you a series of questions in an attempt to elicit troublesome details about someone else’s life. Of if you’ve had something bad happen, they’re wanting to hear all the details and don’t offer any consolation. They don’t seem to care about the mundane goings-on in your life. They don’t seem interested in a conversation if something exciting isn’t happening, or has happened, for you to tell them about.

It leads to the questions: Do they generally care about you and what goes on in your day-to-day life? Or do they only care about the exciting tidbits that you share with them? The answer will tell you how they feel about you and the friendship. You can then decide how much of your energy and time you want to share with this person and how much information you want to give them about your life.

Some people do like to gossip and are what’s considered drama queens or drama kings. They enjoy hearing someone’s struggles or negative situations and sharing that information with others. It leads me to wonder what’s missing in their lives that they seek excitement at the expense of someone’s emotional or physical discomfort. It’s like a person speaking negative of someone else so that their own misdeeds will go unnoticed.

People are, sometimes, miserable and it makes them feel good to know or hear of someone doing worse than they are. They may live for drama to avoid dealing with their own, or they may be using others’ drama to cover up an area of their life they’re not willing to work on resolving. Unfortunately, it can become a pastime for them; an unhealthy outlet.

Pay attention to what people say to you, how they say it, and how they respond to your words because those are some indicators of how they feel about you as a person.

I’d love to hear if you’ve experienced the abovementioned red flags in a potential relationship and how you dealt with it. If you recognized yourself in the article, what have you learned or how did you overcome those perspectives and challenges?

Comments are always welcome as well as sharing this article using the available social media buttons. Subscribe via email for automatic notification of new posts and the continuation of this series.

Thank you.

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I journeyed from GED to a PhD in Psychology. I decided to focus on my writing once I retired from the clinical field. I write in various genres and have several WIPs for publication once edited. I post articles on this website for intellectual and entertainment purposes.

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