Social media, as we know, is like fire – it can be a friend or a foe. It can help, hurt or aggravate us. I’d been off FB for years and upon signing back up, guys from my past found and friended me. I call them “throwbacks,” and not in a good way. Things are in the past for a reason.
Before I go off on a tangent, I’d like to tell you about Vincent, who thought himself to be a budding sugar daddy. Vaguely remembering him, we messaged back and forth and then exchanged numbers for texting. He quickly informed me that he’s been with his “lady friend” for a little over two years and had moved into her place a year ago. He proceeds to tell me he wants to see me. I told him we could meet and catch up if it was okay with his girlfriend. He laughed it off saying she doesn’t know what he does. I asked, “What is it that you do that she doesn’t know?”
“She doesn’t know I have another lady friend.”
“What?” I was sure I’d misheard him.
“She doesn’t know I have another lady friend,” Vincent repeated. “I always have two. But, I’m sad because I recently broke up with the other one. I’m looking for another one, that’s why I want to see you.”
“Do you two have an open relationship?” I ask. “Well, never mind, because if you did your ‘lady friend’ as you call her would know.” I replied while shaking my head, which I knew he couldn’t see.
“Things don’t always go well, that’s why I always keep a second one.” Vincent explained.
“Have you thought about things may not always go well because you’re splitting your attention and neglecting the one you live with?”
“I never thought about that before. But, I do want to see you. How would you like to have a Sugar Daddy?”
“Are you serious?” I laugh, “What’s wrong with you?”
“Yes, I’m serious. I told you I always have two women.”
“And, what about them? Can they have two men? You and someone else?”
“No. That’s the condition,” he said. “My lady friend I live with thinks I’m only with her. My second one always knows about my lady friend and for the second one to be with me, I have to be her only guy.”
“So,” I snicker, “you can have two. One is oblivious and loyal and the second has to be loyal. Do you hear yourself?”
“That’s the condition,” Vincent said. “You think you can do that?”
“Do what?”
“Only be with me?”
“Whoever I’m with is the only one I’m with and I’m his only one. I’d never be with you. You don’t make sense. You’re a chronic cheater.”
“So, you don’t want a sugar daddy?”
“You are freaking hilarious. Do you understand what a sugar daddy is?”
“Yeah, don’t you want one? I could be yours? But, you couldn’t tell anybody.”
“You’re really crazy,” I told him. “What woman would be with someone like you after all you’ve just said and what kind of woman would brag about it?”
“I’d pay you,” Vincent exclaimed.
“Oh, so now I’m a trick. You need to wear a suit and a red nose because you’re a clown.”
“You should let me help you,” Vincent whined. “I’m serious.”
“And, that’s the funniest part of it all,” I told him. “You really are serious. Tell you what, I’ll humor you for another 60 seconds. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.”
“I can help you with $50 a week to see you twice a week. You like having your vagina licked?”
“Not that I’d be with you, as I mentioned earlier, but even for humor that’s definitely an offer any woman could refuse. That’s not a sugar daddy. $50 may get you something down on Broadway. Your last 60 seconds are up,” I told him before disconnecting the call.
