Old Geezer (OG)

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Traditionally the acronym “OG” stands for “Original Gangster,” someone affiliated with the mob from back in the old days. The new generation call “OGs” individuals who originally started a gang or participated in gang activity from a young age and are now looked up to with respect.

For the purpose of this article, the acronym “OG” will be used to describe an “Old Geezer,” meaning a dirty old man. The following is an interview with such a person who contacted me for dating purposes: 

OG: Just so you know, I’m an alpha male. I know what I want and I’m a very intense person. I want to fall in love and be loved and not move at a snail’s pace. I’m older and I don’t have time to waste. I’ve had heart surgery years ago, my doctor has cleared me for sexual activity, and I’m ready to settle down.

Interviewer: Oh really?

OG: Yes. And, I love spoiling women. Actually, one woman, hopefully you. I can give you anything you want and I can tell already you’ll have me wrapped around your finger in no time.

Interviewer: How can you tell that already after talking for less than five minutes?

OG: Because you seem like a straight-forward person.

Interviewer: I am and since you realize that, I have a question for you.

OG: silence 

Interviewer: Is that your real hair?

OG: Wow, you really jump right in don’t you?

Interviewer: I am a straight-forward person. 

OG: Well, I started losing my hair and I’m vain so I have a hair piece glued onto my scalp. The side and back hair is mine, but everything up top isn’t. I probably spend more money on my hair than you do.

Interviewer: I doubt that since I’ve been wearing my hair natural for the last few months or so. You say you wear it because you’re vain, but it doesn’t look natural. I asked if it was your real hair because I see a seam or something weird in the front. I’d think being vain would mean you want to look your best.

OG: Well, I can wash it and get it wet if I want to, but no it’s not really mine.

Interviewer: Are those all your own teeth?

OG: silence

Interviewer: Hey, your hair isn’t yours and since we’re talking candidly, I’d like to know what else you’re trying to pass off as natural.

OG: You really are a straight-forward person.

Interviewer: Yes, I am. … Are they all yours?

OG: No, I have a bridge. I think you and I have a few things in common. We both seem to say what we want and what’s on our minds.

Interviewer: I’m not a mind reader and so if I want to know something, I ask. You were telling me what you like and what you want and I wanted to know about your hair because it doesn’t look right. Tell me, what are you looking for?

OG: I already told you I like to spoil a woman. I also like to jerk off while being watched and her, hopefully you, talking dirty to me while I’m doing it. I’m like masturbating and sometimes do it three or four times a day, sometimes I ejaculate and sometimes I don’t. I enjoy the feeling of stroking myself. I’m also a nudist. I like being watched. Tell me what you like. What would you want me to do? I can see us being married in about six months and I already feel like I’m falling in love with you. Whatever you want me to do, I can and will do it. I don’t want to lose you. I want this to work between us.

Interviewer: You said you like to spoil a woman and you’d like that woman to be me. So, spoil me.

OG: How? What do you want?

Interviewer: You’re not very creative are you? Okay … I want jewelry, a 3CTW two-toned white and yellow gold tennis bracelet from JCPenney’s and I want you to take me away next weekend.

OG: I think I can do that.

Interviewer: You THINK you can do that?

OG: Yes, I think I can.

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Interviewer: You’re full of shit.

OG: Why do you say that?

Interviewer: You’re full of shit because you’re saying you’re an alpha male, you know what you want, you want us to work, you want to spoil me, you see us being married, tell you what I want from you and you’ll do it and when I say buy me a bracelet and take me away next weekend you say you “think you can do that.” This conversation has been about what you want and what you can and will do. And now you have to “think” about doing what I want you to do when you said you’d do whatever I asked you to. And, aside from all of that, why would you want to sit around and stroke off with me watching? Do you think that does anything sexual for me? Would satisfy me in any way? Talk dirty to you for you to masturbate and ejaculate and I just sit there unfulfilled? That is why I say, “You’re full of shit.”

OG: No, I’m not. This is about you, too.

Interviewer: Then why do you have to “think” about doing what I asked? You say you’re an alpha male and you know what you want. Guess what? I’m an alpha female and I know what I want. I want a man who backs up what he says by being a do-er and not a talker. You can go now. This interview is over. Talk dirty to yourself and jerk off somewhere.

What are your thoughts on the above interview? Was he an alpha male or an old geezer trying to get laid by trying to sell a dream of luxury?

If you have a story/interview, real or imagined, I’d love to read it.

 

Published by

Dion

I journeyed from GED to a PhD in Psychology. I decided to focus on my writing once I retired from the clinical field. I write in various genres and have several WIPs for publication once edited. I post articles on this website for intellectual and entertainment purposes.

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