BDSM and Sex within a Scene (#TruthTuesday #BDSM #FemDom)

BDSM w.o sex.1-3-17

BDSM: “Bondage and disciple consist of using physical or psychological restraints, domination and submission involve an exchange of power and control, and sadism and masochism refer to taking pleasure in others’ or one’s own pain or humiliation.” Merriam-Webster 

BDSM: “An overlapping abbreviation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).” Urban Dictionary

In a simple chart:

B/D = Bondage and Discipline

D/s = Dominance and submission

S/M = Sadism and Masochism

Also: Bondage and Domination or Bondage and Discipline and Sadism and Masochism.

BDSM w.o sex2.1-3-17

There’s a great article titled “WHAT IS BDSM” in the Group “Old School” BDSM on Fetlife which goes into more detail about it than the definitions I listed above.

Quite frankly, I don’t get “sex” out of the above definitions. Though I do understand many use Bondage as a way to physically control their s-type during sexual acts; or dominate their s-type by having them perform sexual acts on them.

BDSM w.o sex3.1-3-17

For me, sex is more personal than simply using it as part of a scene during play time. I read a phrase earlier today in a discussion thread regarding sex with s-types. A person commented stating there’s a difference between “casual sex” and “relationship sex.” I’m on the “relationship sex” side of things. I need to feel connected to someone as a person, not a submissive or slave, to be the recipient of any type of penile penetration. Call me a hypocrite because I enjoy using strap-ons on straight men. If it’s a contradiction, so be it.

BDSM w.o sex4.1-3-17

I’ve come to learn that for many, or so it seems many, equate BDSM with sex. I wonder, if for some, if the BDSM cloak is being used to convince s-types to submit to sexual acts. Example: I’m your Dom. Worship my cock.” Which really means, “suck my dick because I said so.” Or a female Dom saying, “Worship my pussy.” What’s the difference? Where’s the BDSM? A vanilla person can suck cock and eat pussy.

BDSM w.o sex5.1-3-17

I realize I’m more drawn to actual Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism. I enjoy impact play. It sometimes arouses me to the point of becoming as wet as if I’d had an orgasm. I do not require penetrative sex to feel satisfied.

BDSM w.o sex6.1-3-17

I’m often asked, “If you don’t have sex, what do you get out of it?” My answer is simple: “I get pleasure from inflicting pain and pegging.” Sex is not the end all be all for me. An emotional connection is far greater than fucking someone “just because.” Fucking someone I feel connected to is my ultimate high and icing on the cake. A great illustration would be to share that when at parties, I always scrape the icing off the cake. The cake is fantastic as it is. Contrary to how this may sound after saying all of that … I absolutely LOVE sex. Hit all my walls; choke me; flip me around in different positions, multiple orgasms.

#SS.Rough Sex.Declaration

I’m not putting down those who engage in sex as part of their scene. I’m simply explaining why I don’t. Do whatever works and brings pleasure to you and your partner with no apologies. I’d love for a play partner and I to grow into a long-term D/s FLR. When that happens, I’m sure I’ll be writing an article on how wonderful sex within a D/s relationship is.

BDSM w.o sex7.1-3-17

Further analyzing myself I seem to fall into the sapiosexual category: “a person who is sexually attracted to intelligence or the human mind before appearance.” Wiktionary. Though I wonder if I’m borderline hetero-demisexual: “a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone …” wikiasexuality.org/Demisexual. But, who really cares about labels? They’re interesting, but not all-inclusive because people are people and we cannot be put neatly into any one box.

BDSM w.o sex8.1-3-17

Having said all of that, I’ll add that I only engage in BDSM activities with individuals I like as individuals. What that means is … I’ll only spend time with you if I like you as a person. If I don’t like you as a person, if there’s something about you that turns me off, if I feel I cannot trust you, or if you’re unsure about who you are … I won’t “play” with you. You have to be comfortable with yourself in order for me to be comfortable with you.

Finally: What are your thoughts on BDSM and sex within scenes? I’m particularly interested in reading the thoughts of single dominants.

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2 thoughts on “BDSM and Sex within a Scene (#TruthTuesday #BDSM #FemDom)

  1. Bob

    Happy New Year D!

    Not into BDSM myself, but still enjoy reading your stories.
    As for FemDom, just some face sitting for me please. 😉

    Reply

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