I remember my cousins and I going outside and playing for a while. For some reason, we’d come back inside, for something to drink maybe or to use the bathroom. We’d go back outside, come back in, go back out, come back in. Finally, my mother or grandmother would say, “Either stay out or stay in. Leave that door alone.”
There’s times as an adult I feel like telling a person, “My life isn’t a revolving door.” People come and go, then come back and go, … sooner rather than later it needs to stop. If there’s an issue or problem you’re working out, say so, work it out, come back and stay. Not knowing where you are, where you’re going, how you’re going to manage such and such and being okay with being in limbo is unhealthy and unstable; which eventually bleeds over into your relationships.
Life is too short to entertain unhealthy, unstable and possibly toxic friendships and relationships. I don’t tell the person to stay in or stay out. I make the decision in my mind that the door is closed. I do express my feelings to the person, explaining that we’re not suitable at the present time for friendship. I back away and allow that person the space they need, even if they don’t realize they need it.
I’ve heard it said, “An ex is an ex for a reason.” The same can be said of friendships. When it’s time to let it go, let it go. When or if you want to resume it, remember why it ended. With that said, yes, I believe in giving people another chance. Usually, it reveals my prior detachment was the right choice. But, hey, at least I tried and now know for sure.
If you feel a friendship or relationship isn’t healthy, follow your heart. It isn’t about not hurting another person’s feelings, it’s about wanting healthy relationships for you and the other person. Make the decision to do what’s best for both of you.
Either stay in my life, come in the door, remove your shoes, and get comfortable. Or stay out of my life and off my porch. We all have decisions to make. It’s not complicated.
I’d love to read your experiences with ending and rebuilding friendships and relationships. How did it work out? What did you learn about yourself and or the other person?
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