Misunderstanding of Tributes (#TruthTuesday #FemDom #LoveLanguage)

There’s a multitude of people who say they’re not into giving money/tributes, want a “real” relationship,

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are not into buying someone’s time, and yet they want time, their fantasies explored, to constantly message, ask to Kik or Skype, or even send their phone numbers with promises to “serve you and do whatever you desire, I have no limits,” etc. 

This is what I say to all of that …

I do think (these are all my personal thoughts, opinions, perceptions so don’t get your undies in a bunch unless you simply like that feeling) that tributes to some extent are misunderstood and I’ll break it down for you as to why I feel this way. Yes, everyone is free to chime in, leave your comments (good, bad, or indifferent) and let’s have a fun or at least entertaining discussion. Rudeness is not allowed. Bashing someone’s fetish is not allowed.

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Commercial Break: This article is NOT about Financial Domination (FinDom), FinDommes, Financial Slavery, Financial Blackmail, etc. I could write an entire article on my feelings about that. Maybe I will. We’ll see.

Back to the scheduled program: Most of us are familiar with the term “Pro-Domme.” Those are women who charge a fee (tribute) to entertain someone’s fantasy.

Man Kneeling at Her Feet

Some of us aren’t familiar with a common word I’ve seen on Fet … “kink dispenser.” The term “kink dispenser” refers to someone who has a list of things they want done to them. They want a Dominant Woman/Domme/Mistress to dispense their kink. A Pro-Domme will do that for you. It’s not a difficult concept to understand. You want something, you pay for it. It’s not complicated. I’ll add that paying for an experience doesn’t mean it’s not a genuine experience.

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It doesn’t mean she’ll react and respond to you as if she’s a robot. She’s a living breathing person who enjoys her job. But, you say it’s not “real” and she’s using you. Really? Aren’t you using her for your fetish or kink satisfaction?

If she’s not a Pro-Domme she may still require a tribute, not necessarily for her time in a kink/fetish session but for time Skyping, messaging, especially if you’re saying you want to explore a “relationship” or build a friendship with her. Don’t look at it as paying for her time, try to look at it as part of the courtship, the dating process (especially those whose primary Love Language is Receiving Gifts or Acts of Service).

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If you’re local enough would you take her on dates? Give her the means to pamper herself by getting a massage, a mani/pedi, go to the movies, go to a nice restaurant, etc. If you’re long-distance how can you do those things? By sending her financial gifts/contributions (tributes). She’s able to go out and do things on your behalf. These women aren’t wanting you to pay their bills and they don’t need your money. Also, when you’re saying you want to build something with her, “serve her,” be her submissive, or are begging to be her slave … what does that mean to you? Power exchange is a part of D/s and M/s relationships and include various parts of your life, which may include your finances. If you’re saying you want to serve her, then serve her in a way that she desires, unless you have an ulterior motive.

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I know some women use requiring a tribute as a way to weed out ‘time-wasters.’ Those are the people who want to message multiple times throughout each day, love all your photos, ask if you’d like to meet and you say yes and they change the subject after that. They message again starting a new discussion as if to avoid the old one of asking you out. More often than not the guy will fade to black and likely pop back up in a few weeks or months maybe thinking you forgot about his shenanigans. He’s trying to start new discussion as if it’s his first message to you.

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Some women begin asking for money as if to say, “If you’re serious about seeing where this goes, prove it.” Sort of like, “put your money where your mouth is.” Guys sometimes get funny about money, so for them to give it to a woman, that usually means something to her. And, not that you’re a wimp or target.

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Okay, so she asks for money or something from on a wish list. Instead of an immediate “oh, she’s a scammer findomme bitch,” think about what she may have to offer you. For instance, I have a Doctorate Degree in Psychology and have over 20 years of clinical experience. When it comes to a point that I’m constantly being asked for advice, suggestions, let me run something by you, … it’s time to start paying for counseling sessions. My highest per hour rate was $50. A guy doesn’t want to pay to Skype chat, but expects me to spend hours each week counseling him? And, with Skype there’s also messaging. So, he want to use my skills, take up my time, and when I say here’s my PayPal information he gets pissy and disappears.

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I find myself becoming less patient with people. I’ve been, probably, too nice in giving away my time, clinical expertise, being nonchalant with being asked out with no follow-up. I no longer spend months investing in someone who, apparently, doesn’t have the intention of building something with me, doesn’t plan on seeing me, nor really even cares to read my page but claims he wants to get to know me. No, he wants to waste my time. I enjoy helping people, though there’s a fine line between being helpful and being used.

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I begin feeling used when what I’m giving isn’t reciprocated.  For example, I’ve had guys messaging me back and forth for months and say they enjoy communicating with me because I’m interesting or because, here’s my favorite, I “intrigue” him. I’m not here for anyone’s entertainment. If you view me as entertainment, PayPal me what you’d pay to see a stage show. I know I know … I’m on a roll. I’m just fed up with guys who want to talk talk talk. 

If you want your kink dispensed; pay for it. If you want to monopolize someone’s time, utilize their areas of expertise, be entertained, or communicate with them because you’re lonely or bored; pay for it. If you want to date long-distance, send her money so she can take herself on dates on your behalf. If you were local and dating her, you’d be paying for her things at times. You say you don’t want to feel obligated to “pay” for talking, but yet you want her to commit to chatting with you every day and you eventually ask her to “play.” No, she don’t want to see you masturbate on webcam.

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All of those scenarios can have a good outcome. She’ll enjoy the time she gives you because she knows you’re investing in the ‘friendship’ or ‘relationship’ because you’re making a way for her to pamper herself a little bit. Hint hint: no woman wants a broke man. No, she’s not a gold digger. She may simply like being treated by a gentleman (submissive, slave, or vanilla). It may make her feel special and appreciated.

I hope this has given you food for thought and I look forward to reading your thoughts. I’m convinced this will end up being a lively discussion. 

As an afterthought, I’m not in any way suggesting you send tributes to every woman everywhere. Take your time and learn what her motives are. Instead of getting pissy, listen to what she says and then determine if she’s worth the effort to get to know her. Determine if she’s someone you want to build something with.

Comments welcome. As a reminder: This article is NOT about Financial Domination (FinDom), FinDommes, Financial Slavery, Financial Blackmail, etc.

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