Finding a Good Partner

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I’ve heard it said over and over that it’s hard finding a good woman or a good man. For the sake of this article, I’ll use the term “good partner” to cover both males and females. 

I had the thought today that it’s not difficult meeting people. We see people every day all around us in the stores we shop at or browse through, walking in the mall, pumping gas next to us, standing in line at the post office. Everywhere we go … people are there.

So, why the phrase saying how difficult it is? Take the time and talk to people. A quick, “Hello,” to the person behind you in line doesn’t take away from the task at hand. Be friendly to people. When you walk somewhere, walk looking around you and not at the ground; you’d be surprised how many people will speak or smile at you when eye contact is made.

Further thinking helped me realize that it’s not difficult finding a good partner, what’s challenging is us knowing ourselves and them knowing who they are. In my experience, most people don’t know themselves or their motivations enough to be honest with what they want or what they’re willing to do to get what they want. For example, you say you like a person and want a relationship with them but you don’t put in the effort to build a friendship with them. How can you progress to an intimate relationship without putting in the time to build trust first? See what I mean? You say you want one thing and act as if you don’t.

That’s not the only thing that prevents us from finding a good partner, though primarily it may be our own expectations, insecurities, not being willing to analyze our own feelings and motivations. You may meet a person you think would be a good partner and push them away because of your insecurities. Then, you continue to say how hard it is to find a good partner. You need to be comfortable with and have confidence in who you are in order to project a sense of trust and understanding to someone else.

People who are secure in and understand themselves can easily spot the opposite in others. Put another way, a secure person can easily see the insecurity in another person by their actions and words. A secure person is typically not going to want to spend the energy and time working through someone else’s insecurity. You need to figure out why you’re insecure, why you’re emotionally unstable, lack the initiative to actually pursue a person, or whatever the issue is you’re having. Once you have that figured out AND resolve it, you’ll be a better partner for someone else.

If you truly want a lasting relationship with a good partner, you must be someone who would be a good partner (in the eyes and mind of someone else). You must be authentic, transparent and motivated to seek out a like-minded person.

What are your thoughts about this article? Leave your comments below.

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Dion

I journeyed from GED to a PhD in Psychology. I decided to focus on my writing once I retired from the clinical field. I write in various genres and have several WIPs for publication once edited. I post articles on this website for intellectual and entertainment purposes.

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