It’s Challenging to Find a “Real Man”

I read the book, “Think Like A Man,” by Steve Harvey. He said in his book that a man – a real man – will profess, protect, and provide for his woman. Well, I often wonder where these men are.

I don’t go out much and it’s with shame I admit I’ve tried several online dating sites. None of them worked out well.

I was honest when completing my profile, letting whoever reads it know my intentions, what I’m about, what I believe, as well as what’s important to me. It seems I’m a magnet for what I consider ‘grown boys,’ men who seem to want and expect a woman to take care of them. Let me share a few examples of the types of men I’ve encountered:

Men who:

• want me to drive to them for a first meeting at their house versus meeting out in a public place
• want to know what my income and career is without sharing with me what they do for a living
• don’t have a car
• live with friends
• live with their mothers, stating they’re there to ‘help out’
• expect me to pay for the date
• don’t open doors or pull out chairs for me
• complain that their last girlfriend didn’t give them gifts
• complain that their children’s mother doesn’t pay them child support
• ask for money so they can pay one of their bills or have a utility or their phone turned back on
• cut communication with me when I decline going to their home after one or two “dates”
• ask at the first meeting what my sex drive is like

Okay, so I see I clearly haven’t been meeting “men.” Let me entertain you with a story about a man I met a few years ago. Well, actually we talked and texted for two months. Why didn’t we meet you ask? Well, he lived a little over two hours away and though he had a car, it was not drivable due to needing a new transmission – that was his story and he was sticking to it.

He said had relocated to his current state to move in with his mother to take care of her. He didn’t have any income. His goal was admirable; he was an ordained pastor and desired to work ministry full-time. Within the two months we communicated he told me he loved me, believed I was his future wife, wanted me to be in his state to be closer to him so we could date and start spending more time together.

He made a “suggestion” that I move to his state. My mind wanted to yell, “Why don’t you get an apartment instead of suggesting I move there?” He also “suggested” I look for work in his state. My mind screamed, “Negro, how about you get a paying job?” My mind was thinking, “is this another one of those get-over dudes, who talk a good game and never make provisions for his proclaimed loved one? What’s it with men these days?”

The phrase, “All good men are married, gay, or in jail” prompted me to maintain contact with him for those two months. I know every good man doesn’t start out good and that every good man doesn’t start out on top. So, yes, from our conversations I believed he was a good man … at first. So, I gave time to see if he was going to step up into full manhood and make provisions for us to actually spend time together. I didn’t want to let a “good man” get away, so I gave him time.

You may smack yourself on the forehead for this confession … I was even willing to drive to see him, if he put me in a hotel. I rationalized that if we were to end up together, I’d end up moving to Virginia, so why not it be me to take the drive for a visit. I knew it’d be important for me to meet his mother since he took care of her and she’d be a part of my life … if things worked out. Everyone likes having disposable income. However, one thing I admit I liked at that time was being in the midst of a financially challenging situation. I was taken advantage of in two marriages and by my last boyfriend. It didn’t start out like that, but it sure ended up that way. So, I know I need to be careful to not be used.

I believe any person in your life should enhance yours and that you should do the same for theirs. If that’s not happening, the relationship is unbalanced and unhealthy. Regarding Mr. Harvey stating in his book that a man will provide for his woman … I have yet to be found by one. I struggle to hold onto hope and not become a complete cynic. So, …, my journey to be found by a real man continues.

Women – Have you met similar types of men? Men – what are your thoughts on the above article? I’m sure some of you have horror stories about finding a ‘real woman,’ and I’d love to read your thoughts and experiences.