Pain and Personality Types in the BDSM Lifestyle – Pt 1 of 3

Pain & Personality Pt 1 of 3

I’m realizing why I enjoy causing physical pain to those who consent to it. 

It feeds my curious psychological nature to learn why someone wants pain, will tolerate it, and even crave it. It’s an individual process.

Some need pain as an avenue toward forgetting, even if only briefly, a greater pain. A way to drown out an overworked or exhausted mind. A way of letting everything outside of themselves go to welcome in an internal calm. 

This person, the one who needs pain, though sure of their reasoning may seem like a vulnerable target to unsafe players. They may gravitate toward heavy players and discount their internal warnings that the person may be physically or emotionally abusive. This person may think BDSM is therapeutic and seek certain types of play to heal old emotional wounds or as an attempt reduce or eliminate day-to-day stressors. BDSM isn’t therapy. Emotional challenges are best dealt with by a mental health professional.

I’d be more compassionate during the scene or session with this person. I understand they’re seeking to escape reality and I give just enough to allow them that without crossing over into a place where they feel everything is fixed. I provide a very brief band-aid. Afterward, I talk with the person, ask about how they’re feeling. Usually, the person will open up about their problems and I’ll ask them what solutions do they envision. So, in a way, it is therapeutic since I do incorporate some of my clinical skills. If the issues are substantial, I recommend they seek a kink-friendly therapist to talk to. I remind them that BDSM isn’t therapy.

If you encounter this type of person, one who says they need pain to cope with daily life challenges. Don’t take advantage of them. If you’re the person desiring pain as a way to cope, be mindful that everyone may not have your best interest at heart.

Play safe. Be smart. Seek therapeutic help when needed. Build a strong support system outside of the BDSM community.

I’d love to read your experiences with pain, whether on the giving or receiving end and why.

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