Compatibility: Why It’s Important to Me (#TruthTuesday #BDSMLifestyle) – Part 2 of 2

Compatibility.FemDom

Part 1

I use the word ‘compatible’ a lot. From most of the men who message me, it seems they believe just because they ask me to be their Mistress, I will be.

It’s not that simple for me. Being a Female Master and taking on someone as a submissive or slave is my accepting responsibility for their life. That’s not something I take lightly. So, yes, it’s important for me to understand where a person is coming from and where they’d like to go.

I desire for a man to know where he’s going and then support and encourage him to get there through the rules and structure we’d set in place for our dynamic. Here’s a quick illustration: you want to go somewhere. You go the train station or airport and walk up to the counter. The person asks you where you want to go. If you don’t know, you’re unable to purchase a ticket. If you tell the person to pick a place for you and they do, you may end up disappointed, dissatisfied, and later regretful. As the leader in a potential dynamic, it’s my responsibility to make sure I understand the person’s goals and know within myself I can help him achieve them.

A man I recently met wanted asked to be my submissive. He was an older gentleman and I did enjoy speaking with him. He didn’t know what he wanted from an authority-imbalanced dynamic, except to “serve.” He defined “service” and his skill set as being handy building things, doing lawn and car maintenance, chauffer duties, picking up my laundry, doing my grocery shopping, et al.

It all sounded very good except we live two hours away from each other. I asked him to consider if his “service” was realistic, especially since it’d take longer for us to become comfortable around each other only meeting for lunch to talk. I don’t think some long-distance potentials think about the challenges of not being local. Yes, long-distance dynamics can work. However, time needs to be set aside for physical engagement in public areas until we’re both comfortable enough to visit each other’s homes.

How many times will someone drive two hours for lunch and then two hours back home before getting tired of doing that? How many lunches will it take to become comfortable enough to visit each other’s private space? And, aside from that, how will any type of “service” be done during that time? Needless to say, the last time I asked him had he thought about my questions, he didn’t reply back.

I’ve been told that I’m tough on people. I’ve been told I ask too many questions. I’ve been told by men who stopped communicating with me, and later who found another woman to be their Dominant or Mistress, that they felt I thought they were flaky or disinterested. No, I was simply trying to understand them as a person.

It always saddens me when someone thinks I’m brushing them off because I know they don’t realize I’m attempting to help them discover their core desires and what direction they want their life to go in. Maybe that’s the clinician in me. Wanting people to understand themselves and having a sincere desire to help them grow into who they say they want to be.

Such is life. The twists and turns. The things we like. The things we don’t like. The things we’re willing to tolerate. The things we won’t put up with. The desire to want to both be understood and to understand.

What are your thoughts on the above article? Have you had any similar experiences? I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts.

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