I’ve heard it said repeatedly by numerous people over the years that they don’t know who they are without a partner, they feel incomplete, they feel they’re not living with a purpose, etc.
I want to ensure you there’s a reason for you not being partnered at this moment.
Primarily, I believe when people are unpartnered it’s simply because they haven’t found, or by been found by, their person (or persons) yet. I honestly believe when we’re supposed to meet our person, we will. I think if we meet them and one of us isn’t ready for a healthy relationship, things won’t work out well. What I mean by that is this:
- Maybe there’s work you need to do on yourself to be prepared to meet your partner.
- Maybe you’re reeling from a recent breakup.
- Maybe you’re still dealing with a traumatic event from your past.
- Maybe your current situation doesn’t really allow you to have another person in your life at this moment.
- Maybe there’s work they may need to do to be prepared for you. Their reasons are likely the same as some of yours.
Simply wanting to be with someone doesn’t mean we’re emotionally and intellectually prepared to be with another person.
It’s been acknowledged that no one is perfect, however two (or more) people may be perfect for each other. This carries the responsibility and obligation to be the best you that you can be so that your relationships are as healthy as possible.
Sometimes reflection is needed to determine:
- If we really know what we want? And, is it realistic?
- If we’re able to clearly articulate what we want? If not, why?
- If we have firm boundaries (emotionally, physically, and timewise)?
- If we recognize and accept what our limitations are?
- What do we do in the meantime? What do we do while waiting to find, or be found by, our person or persons.
Here’s some suggestions:
- Work on yourself to improve in emotional, physical, and spiritual ways. Find and read self-help books, if necessary.
- Join a social group to engage in a hobby. Being social should help you feel less alone. NOTE: Being alone doesn’t equate to being lonely.
- Think of a goal you used to have, or still do have, and work on achieving it.
- Find a way to serve in the community. Volunteers are always needed somewhere.
- Read books, study, learn, and gain insight from others who’ve come before you in various areas of life.
- Be thankful for the good things and people in your life. Being grateful for what you have far outweighs what you don’t have.
Learn to be your best friend. Spend time with yourself, learn more about yourself, and treat yourself well. The positive side to this strategy is that once you learn to treat yourself well, you won’t tolerate someone else treating you badly.
Also, you’ll learn what’s important to you and be better equipped to articulate your desires to someone else and to understand their point of view as well. You’ll learn that being incompatible with someone doesn’t mean either of you is a bad person, it just means you’re not right for each other.
You’ll learn to be okay with being alone because you know the right person is out there for you somewhere. You two will meet when you’re both ready and you’ll realize they were worth the wait. Just as you are worth the wait for them.
Comments are always welcome. I look forward to reading your thoughts and experiences with being single and not wanting to be. What have you learned during your time of self-reflection?
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