She’d been having more pain in her body than usual, so much so that she’d even wake up at night in pain. Sleep would find her at 4am and hold her until 2pm.
Her pain medication allowed her to move about slowly while her body was telling her to rest.
She didn’t go out much anymore and writing as a new career was very isolating. She prayed. Of course, she did. Though it’d be nice to hear a voice in person and to feel a human touch. Thoughts like those always led to feelings of loneliness.
Text messages and emails kept her in touch, though she understood that no one could feel her pain, which meant they couldn’t fully understand what she was going through. She’d learned to mask her feelings, say the positive things people wanted to hear when they asked, “How are you doing?” She always moved the conversation onto the other person’s life, their feelings, their situations and was often told she was such a good listener, a great friend.
Financial challenges plagued her life opening the door for another issue that others wouldn’t fully comprehend. Her best friend would sometimes complain about work and not being able to pay a bill that week, while she was wondering where she’d get money for food. She’d always think, “at least you don’t have to worry about what you’re going to eat.” She kept those thoughts to herself and continued to listen, support, encourage, and pray for whoever needed her ear. She often thought about the saying, “God gave us two ears and one mouth. That means we’re to listen more and talk less.” Well, why was she the one always listening and no one really hearing her when she shared her heart, her troubles, her feelings of loneliness? God knew and she knew He wouldn’t give her more than she could handle.
She desired to be used by God and felt bad about not being able to financially give to the church and other nonprofit organizations. God reminded her, “there’s always something to give.” A friend in transition would call asking to leave household items at her house; someone would call needing to vent about this or that; someone would text requesting prayer for themselves or someone else. There, indeed, was always something she could give.
In spite of her financial problems, loneliness, isolation, and pain – God still used her. She prayed and asked God to forgive her for feeling dejected and then thanked Him for showing her that He was still with her and still using her.
It doesn’t matter what you have or don’t have, there’s always something to give – space to store a friend’s belongings, a prayer, objective advice, or time. It’s an honor to be used to God and it’s a blessing there’s always something to give.
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(This article was cross-posted from deborahldixon.com)
