New Relationship Energy (NRE)


I’ve heard about New Relationship Energy (NRE) and how it can either enhance or sabotage new encounters.

Enhance, if both persons feel it the same way. Sabotage, if the feelings aren’t mutual. Also, detrimental if both or all involved don’t move forward into the reality that neither person is perfect and therefore neither will the relationship be. However, with that realization, your new partner may be perfect for you and vice versa.

What I’ve read about NRE was as if the person having that experience was borderline frantic, unable to bear being away from their new find, incapable of thinking clearly, viewing all things as perfect and thus will be forever. The new partner can do no wrong, lacks any unfavorable habits, is the source of all happiness and contentment.

I recently had a conversation regarding NRE and that I didn’t experience it as I’d read about it. “Maybe because the decision to be in the relationship was based primarily on intellectual compatibility. Yes, feelings were involved, as well as physical attraction, though not the mushy gushy puppy love infatuation kind.”

The discussion went on to share how there were feelings of excitement, a desire to spend more time together, while also acknowledging a need for personal space. Is this a softer side to NRE? Being more conscious of what’s best for both persons versus the me-me-me-I-want-to-spend-every-waking-moment-possible-with-this-person-who-is-the-love-of-my-life-and-I-know-this-even-though-we-met-a-few-months-ago. A thought of wanting to be together while not smothering the other person, an understanding of what’s going on in each other’s life and making plans accordingly. There’s an eagerness to learn more about each other, though not in a mad rush to do so. Excitement is felt when plans are made and knowing you’ll see the other person. There’s a feeling of missing them when you’re away from each other, while also enjoying private quiet time to decompress from day-to-day situations. In thinking about this non-frantic side of NRE, I realize I’m experiencing it. 


I smile as a recall a friend being so excited about my new relationship that she was visibly giddy and for days she sent me texts saying how happy and excited she was for me. She even mentioned picturing me moving in with my new partner. I asked her, “Can we build a foundation first and decide for ourselves what our relationship will grow into?” I told her she had enough NRE for the both of us and suggested she calm down. I thought she was being irrational and hyperactive … the NRE I’ve read about. 

NRE isn’t the same for everyone. I think it depends on the person’s character and personality. A person who’s generally emotional may have stronger initial feelings. A time-intensive person may desire constant communication. A mindful person may take time to sit back and reflect. And, so on. Each serves a purpose and is its own road. Something is to be gained either way, good, bad, or indifferent about the other person or about self. Learn whatever lesson finds you and continue to grow as a person … and as a new partner. Take that knowledge and use it to build, and then maintain, a solid and strong healthy union.

What are your thoughts about New Relationship Energy? Have you experienced it? Do you know someone who has? I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts and stories.

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I journeyed from GED to a PhD in Psychology. I decided to focus on my writing once I retired from the clinical field. I write in various genres and have several WIPs for publication once edited. I post articles on this website for intellectual and entertainment purposes.

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