Lesson Two: Be Attentive
Gloria had a male friend whom she LOVED having sex with. She said he was very attentive and she told him so one day. His response was, “What’s attentive?” Knowing Gloria, she laughed and then felt slightly annoyed that she had to conduct a vocabulary lesson. As she told me that quick little story, I began wondering how many others didn’t know what it meant.
So, what does it mean to be attentive? In my own words being sexually attentive is ‘to be hyper-aware of another person’s feelings.’ I can hear some of your minds saying, “And, what exactly does that mean?!?! And, how do I become ‘sexually attentive?’” I’m so glad I can read your thoughts :-).
Imagine, or think back to, a time when you made love to a woman (or man). I mean REALLY made love. You two were gazing into each other’s eyes, seemed to know when and how passionately to kiss or nibble on the neck or shoulder, moved in perfect rhythm, and able to “feel” when your partner is about to orgasm … that happens when you’re attentive. You were able to tell by body movements, moans, eyes slightly closing or rolling up into the sockets (lol), when toes curled toes, the pressure of nails on your back or thigh … you could tell because you were paying ATTENTION.
You moved according to her body language. Being attentive is to pay attention and act accordingly. Here’s another image for you: just before you’re about to explode inside of her, she bites that particular spot on your neck that takes you over the edge. How did she know exactly when to bite you? She was paying attention to how you felt inside of her, she could feel the head of your cock enlarge and she knew from your strokes you were almost to the edge. She was being … you got it – ATTENTIVE.
The most important thing to understand is to NOT focus on how you’re feeling, it’s about tuning in to how YOUR PARTNER is feeling, getting to know his or her body so that you can feel those little changes such as the enlargement of the head, how the sounds of moans change, noticing the intensity of touches and nibbles. I always say, “Sex is a team sport.” I’m not talking about threesomes or swinging LOL! I’m talking about each person attempting to do whatever they can to make their partner feel the best they’ve ever felt.
You’ll learn a lot about the big things (how to tell when an orgasm is approaching) by paying attention to the little things (body language, sounds, touch, etc.). To practice this, go back and re-read Lesson One. Incorporate intimacy and foreplay into your love-making. Take time simply touching and caressing each other while watching each other’s body language. If you’re not sure what to do, ask your partner where their sensitive spots are and manipulate those areas slowly and gently. If you’re not sure you’re reading their body language correctly, ask them how it feels. Your partner will answer truthfully because just as you desire is to be sexually satisfied, so do they. Trust me … you’ll learn a lot about your partner’s body and your sexual experience will be enhanced and intensified.
Questions? Thoughts? A story to share? Comments? I’d love to read them all.
