Dating as a middle-aged person can be challenging and confusing. The former due to unrealistic expectations that peers would be more or less situated in their lives and want to settle down, given they’d want to spend time with you and get to know you first as a person rather than an immediate sex partner. The later due the absence of the former.
What was discovered is that numerous individuals appear to be either in the midst of a mid-life crisis or in denial of where they are or should be in life as it pertains to having substantial friendships and relationships. Embellishing so as not to get too personal: what was found were persons in their 40’s, 50’s and even 60’s living life as if in college. Living paycheck to paycheck, unable at times to pay basic bills, having multiple sexual partners while looking for additional ones, no desire to actually date without sex being involved, and an overall attitude of entitlement and non-commitment.
The lesson learned was to not expect much from others in the dating world. Hold onto your morals and enjoy life. If you meet someone whose company you enjoy – spend time with them and go with the flow while maintaining your standards. You’re in control of your life and your body. This goes for both men and women.
We all want to be with someone who values us and our time, a person who encourages and motivates us, is enjoyable to be around and talk to … or so we say. Sometimes the motive is to draw someone in not to get to know them on a platonic-let’s-be-friends-and-see-where-this-may-go but to try to diminish what they say their standards are to try to get them into bed.
Getting to know someone takes time. It’s a glaring red flag if someone is trying to rush you into more than you’re ready for at any time. There are plenty of people around who don’t have an issue with casual sex. Don’t be afraid to let a person go and get what they want from someone else. Trust me, even if or when they walk away from you they’ll know what you really stand for and deep down they’ll respect you for it and, no, they won’t ever tell you that.
The bottom line is this: enjoy life and don’t settle for less than what you want. If you want a relationship, take the time to build a friendship first and let nature take its course. If you want casual sex, be safe about it. Use condoms and dental dams. Don’t let a moment of intense arousal cause you a lifetime of doctors’ appointments and medication. If you want a “friend with benefits” as they say these days, make sure you’re both getting the benefit you desire. Sex can be amazing, but can also leave you feeling lonely if you like to cuddle afterwards and the other person doesn’t or if you like to watch a movie (not a porn lol) as some sort of quality time and the other person doesn’t. Make sure all of your needs, besides sexual, are being met. I understand you think it’s not a “relationship,” though I want you to understand that even friendships are relationships just of a different sort. Don’t be fooled by the game.
I’d love to read your thoughts on the above article and how you feel about dating.